Quotes to live by…

Legal Disclaimer to make my lawyer happy: many of the quotes bellow are taken out of context and are are just ridiculous shit said for comedic effect, not representative of the people who said them.

• Comments from leaked GTA V source code
  • “I won’t even begin to claim that I know what the fuck is going on here”
  • “Just fucking kill me”
  • “This has got to be some of the shittest [sic] code in the entire game”
• Davey Gunface
  • “I can excuse torturing children, but burning them alive is a step too far.”
  • “Without big mommy milkers, the world is a dark and perilous place, full of terror and dread, but with an abundant amount of them it’s a happy, bright, and luxurious paradise”
• hbomberguy
  • “You click on ONE vegan Flat Earth neo-Nazi rapper […] and now my recommendations are full of the really WEIRD people.”
  • “Okay, where does, and I mean this as a compliment, the most fuckable twink I’ve ever seen in my life get off telling me how to manage my T levels”
  • “Honestly, how can people know you’re a real member of the Jesus fan club if you aren’t repping His holy merch?”
• Jolly Wangcore (formerly A Jolly Wanker)
  • “I’m not gonna kill you if you get off to it sexually”
  • “Nothing lifts your spirits like horribly disrespecting the dead”
  • “Should I draw a winky on Jesus?”
  • “Yes, brands do not like it when your name is ‘wanker’”
  • “Man, I want the ‘Vinny’s cock’ level for a Moses Jones, please, somebody make that mod immediately”
• MattKC
  • “Don’t knife my vagina, I’m trying to kill Jesus”
  • “HE found himself fucking pregnant? I’m the fucking woman and HE found himself pregnant?”
  • “What would Jesus do? He would fry your Nintendo, you fucking heathen!”
• Octavius King
  • “I have never seen something that looks equal parts like a swastika and a sphincter”
  • “Well, now I am stoked to play, I hope I get to beat the utter crap out of children”
  • “What cute balls! Bet it’s been a while since a woman said that to you, eh?”
  • “I’m sorry, I hate that I’m sat here ranting about a Clefairy’s vagina, this is what I’ve been driven to”
  • “Look I’ve already said I don’t want to fuck a Pokemon like twice in this review”
  • “I’m pika- pikachu/My tits are coming at you”
  • “When did this become my life? I’m trying to get a cheetah dressed in a karate outfit to shoot a condom with an arrow”
  • “Lemme tell you, the bar that Phoenix Games set was already so low, Satan’s hanged a nice set of swings from it”
• Rerez
  • “But now, back to Kirby’s nuts!”
  • “That’s all this game is, flying a penetrated Luigi trough space while shooting koopas and cheep cheeps with his nose laser”
  • Adam: “Now, I know what you’re all thinking. Can you eat the pump jack?” Shane: “Yes. By all that’s holy and good in the world. You can actually eat the pieces of a freshly destroyed pump jack.”
  • “Oh good, I flushed the urinal, and now we’re going back to hell”
  • “Uh, Bill, there seems to be a dominatrix outside beating up the grounds keepers.”
• Richter Overtime
  • “Jerking off and the dog came in, I’m like ‘damn bitch you just killed the vibe’”
  • “Is it kinda stupid to dig trough Valve’s 20 year old trashcan and start eating their garbage?”
  • “The assassins add this brand new dimension […] where the most efficient way to progress is now to make Gordon kick a bunch of women to death”
• SomeOrdinaryGamers
  • “My grandma has seen at least seen like a Mass Effect ass porn hentai of me”
  • “Once your family sees Deep Ass Browsing 69, nothing is scarier than that, so go ahead, roll the dice”
• TotallyPointlessTV
  • “Trying to kill enemies with a crane and a fridge while the magnet is swinging around like a wild horse cock is not enjoyable”
  • “And, for the low low price of one and a half grand, you too can tickle the balls of Poseidon”
  • “These guys become a complete pain, literally spawning at your feet and blowing your squad apart like a teleporting hooker”
  • “What a fucking nerd, am I right? Anyway, back to my hour long video essay on a 15 year old game.”
  • “Imagine that, sitting cheek to cheek, shitting with your bro, does life get any better”
  • “Someone once said to an architect ‘please, sir, make my day to day life absolute fucking hell’”
  • “I don’t really know what I was expecting, maybe Doge himself to be like toiling down here creating a new coin with Elon Musk violating it”
  • “Oh no, he’s high on cat piss”
  • “Ah, a fine dining establishment, I’ll have a ballsack frappuccino”
  • “Just when you think you’re safe, someone sneaks up the vent and shoots you with four barrels up the asshole”
  • “You can parkour between buildings, it’s like the Mirror’s Edge of shit cleaning”
  • “We try to call the elevator when we’re ambushed by the sexiest- I mean scariest enemy in the game”
  • “The crack in the ground starts blowing daisies, so we dash trough the ruins dodging women like a monk in a strip club”
  • “Let’s just hope he doesn’t go back to his wife, monogamy would be a real bummer right now”
  • “Listen here, you little bitch, I don’t want to hear anyone complaining I’m looking into this too deep, you’ve clicked on a multi-hour analysis of a horror game, the fuck you expecting, bro, leave me alone”
  • “May your asshole be healed in the afterlife”
  • “This music is blowing my eardrums out my asshole”
  • “Why is nobody talking to me, is it because I had sex with a ghost?”
  • “Is it necessary for me to drink my urine? No, but I do it anyway ‘cause it’s sanitary and I like the taste.”
• Vargskelethor Joel
  • “When I was 11 years old, I had a desktop stripper, okay? Now, the worst part, I couldn’t get it off my PC, so I asked my dad. My dad was so disappointed.”
  • “This is the worst idea since I drank a Martini with my eye, I’m not even joking about that, I legit did that once”
  • “Not the toilet! Oh, the cum came out of it!”
  • “Oh fuck, Bulk Bogan’s gonna watch me have sex.”
  • “Oh! Oh, no! Oh, God! Ah! What the fuck is that?!? Oh, God! It’s a fucking zomb- oh Jesus, what the fuck! Oh God, he’s got a mustache! What- no, oh, Jesus!”
  • “I’m sorry, but the fact that as I’m making Bible 2, and it’s just a fucking alien porno movie laughs Jesus Christ presents: UFO Porno.”
• Vaush
  • “This is just open tax fraud, at least do it quietly like I and every other youtuber does”
  • “We’re going from fluoride, to me talking about cumming on the couch, to this”
  • “We really are approaching, like, the most soy political timeline yet fathom- like, I mean, Trump is a lot of things, but he’s not soy, y'know? Kamala, Hillary, a lot of things, but they’re not soy. Barack Obama, [name I couldn’t understand], a lot of things, but they’re not soy. This? The J.D. Vance-Elon Power Team, the Blowjob Brothers?”
• Vinesauce Vinny
  • “LUIGI, LET ME SMELL YER DICK!!!”
  • “I’ve been playing this long enough now to give you my assessment: flacid”
  • “Oh, I was wrong entirely, it seems like some gas mask folk are doing experiments on a thing inside of a meat condom”
  • “Can we talk about Patrick’s tits?”
  • “I just reached level 6 in tiddy cat!”
  • “Listen, chat, if any of you wanna fuck the water bottle, I’m gonna stop the stream right now” (note: immediately after saying this, Vinny witnessed a water bottle getting cucked by a mango and a raspberry)
  • “The chiroproctologist, yeah, you go there to have your asshole adjusted, and it’s also a scam”
• Others
  • “Is this a strip club? Is Jesus stripping for you right now?” - Boffy
  • “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m okay with elder abuse, but something just doesn’t feel right about gutting one of my own family members, y'know?” - Bringus Studios
  • “Morale was low, I had hit rock bottom, was Premier Pro not a game engine after all?” - Code Bullet
  • “Mexico is making 230 billion dollar deficit we have with Mexico” - Donald J. Trump as his brain is literally melting
  • “Drinking from the skulls, well, that is one thing. But those he had used to relieve himself… He would then just use them to drink from too. That was too much for me. That’s just not sanitary” - Francis York Morgan, from Deadly Premonition
  • “A talking cactus told me he’d give me more powerful weapons if I tax the rich. Genevieve agreed.” - Dragoon
  • “do you know how demeaning it is to have a hentai site say "we’re ashamed of you”“ - friendly jordies
  • “Nothing says Skyrim like a communist pony shooting out ice missiles” - Joov
  • “I’d be less unsettled if I knew it was a sexual thing, but the ambiguity upsets me more” - Just Background Noise
  • “I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow and… Yeah, my dad wouldn’t have cared, he didn’t give a shit” - Keith Richards
  • “These are random people on the internet that are talking about Waluigi’s feet, that isn’t evidence” - kylie boggly
  • “As we’ve said time and time again, America is the land of deez nuuuts” - LegalEagle
  • “Maybe that’s what the app is for, you can let your water bottle know that you cheated on it and then it can glow in a different colour to indicate its disappointment” - Patric Boyle
  • “Who in the holy hemorrhoids is this guy?” - PeanutButterGamer
  • “Half-Life 2: a simulation of what it’s like to live in the dystopian hellscape known as England” - SaintJam
  • “Unfortunately, I can’t go to the drug dealer, so I guess the best thing I can do is sit on the wolf and try to gain a vibe” - The Spiffing Brit
  • “Anyway, after kicking around the baby on the floor, I decided to progress” - Wicked Wizard
  • “The game received generally negative reviews, with critics disputing the game’s portrayal of Hitler as having two testicles” - Wikipedia
  • “When [Jesus] was around, he was hardcore. He hung around vagabonds, hookers, and thieves, so to me he’s just another homie who happened to be ultra-touched… I’m not here to try and change the way people think, I just know what works for me. To me, Jesus rides a Harley.” - Yelawolf